How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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