We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
MIDGETS
????
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
