Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
