Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
