Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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