We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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