my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
