i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
