Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
