i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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