also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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