What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
