There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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