NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
