having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize