so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
