Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
