I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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