she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
