did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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