Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize