True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
