What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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