I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
