george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
