ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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