"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
