it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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