like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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