So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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