this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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