yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
