you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
