My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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