And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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