somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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