I think im going to throw up on grandma
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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