She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
