So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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