I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
