You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
