Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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