in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
