Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
