my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
