I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
