Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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