and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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