if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
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