I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize