im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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