3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
NoShamevember. You game?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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