Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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