if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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