what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
