Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
