He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
