Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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