Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
