And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
