Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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