I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
