So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
