either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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