Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
