Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
