"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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