It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
