so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
